I guess most of you think I’ve probably already succombed to the sweet call of succession. Nope, not a chance! I can’t tell you how proud of myself I am. I’ve been writing more than I have in months and not just on NaNo stuff. I’ve started a few short stories, several small emotional tidbits of time, and even outlined the majority of a very dark Peter Pan spin-off.
It’s been rough going in a different sort of way this year. It reminds me a lot of when I quit cutting. When that happened I just decided I was done. The urges would come and in a weird way I started to relish the dissatisfaction of not giving in. That was ten yars ago and I’ve since turned those urges into healthier and healthier choices as the days go by. I’ve had slip ups sure, but I’ve learned more about determination from quitting that, than I have trying to push through anything else.
So each day, I get up. I tell myself NaNo can wait. I do homework, housework, no work, and eventually find myself plucking away at my story. It has no real plot. I don’t even know what my bad girl wants. It’s just random details of moments thrown together and trust that one day I’ll know what to do with them.
Self-trust it’s something I’m working on in every aspect of my life. If I don’t learn to show myself compassion over even the smallest things I don’t know what will happen to me, but it won’t be good. So each day, despite letting myself off the hook, I find myself writing and getting in those word counts. Why? It would be so easy to give up, especially since I’m not even that emotionally committed. I keep writing because it’s who I am. Without words I would be lost. They are my voice, my dreams, my fears, my spirit. I cannot live without them and I don’t wish to try.
So maybe I don’t get to NaNo every day, but my word count is up and I’m still going. So, I’m okay. I’m going to be okay and one day I’ll finish something and it will all find purpose.
I’ll try to keep up with the blog a little bit better from now on, but no promises. If you’d all like to hear about something other than NaNo, let me know. I’m full of useless information, strange hobbies, and crazy interests. Send me questions, requests, or just bits about yourself!
Word Count: 25,662