Just Breath

There’s days when I let the over-thinking go to my head. Anyone that has known me for more than a conversation will tell you that – but other times… Other times – these times –  I think that I’m a little bit ahead. I’ve already ripped off the band-aid of good wishes, polite courtesies, and soft cushions. 

It’s time to let go. It’s time to push forward. It’s time to forget. It’s definitely time to hurt. Acknowledging the pain for what it is is the only thing that will allow you to let go of it. Breathe in the moment, understand that it hurts, and know that in a few days, weeks, months… you‘ll be okay. You’ll be stronger and have that much more awareness. 

Fixing things isn’t always an option. Sometimes the best course of action is to just let it slowly fade away. Not everything is meant to work out, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t need to experience it. Love is messy, all types, but it’s where we learn the most. It’s where we find the truth in ourselves and understand what we’re truly capable of. 

Whether other people tell you or not is irrelevant. After a while you begin to recognize that small bit of distance and the cracks that are growing until the whole thing comes crumbling down. 

 

Wanted: Emotional Intervention

Moments in time – clouded over, by something unseen.

Take a breath. Close your eyes. The other side will come.

Starts with tears, drowning in intensity, rising higher for the fall.

Words flow through your veins, jumbled and disorganized, itching to be released.

Torn between the chaos and something darker pushing in – it’s so much easier to disconnect or just give in.

 

 

Skills Teaching

For various reasons, I’ve been doing a lot of research on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) lately. If you’re not familiar with it, that’s okay. There’s a lot of concepts within it that many people will already be familiar with if they’ve any experience with mindful meditation or really any sort of therapy that deals with emotions. 

While I see how productive so many of these tactics could be in aiding comfort to an upsetting situation. It’s hard to imagine remembering all that. I feel like if I could remember all those steps in the moment, then I should have no trouble disconnecting from the emotions. I guess that’s kind of the whole point. 

There’s a lot of times when I get upset or emotional and it feels like a lot to deal with. We’re human, we all have those moments. Whether you actually are diagnosed with something or just wish for a little bit more control I think it’s important to take a look.

While psychology is a very regulated field and individuals shouldn’t just randomly play around with diagnosis or other things that could create lasting damage. I think the skills and tactics we’ve developed through psychological research and study should absolutely be utilized. The whole point is to improve and learning skills to help you with that is wonderful. 

I feel like there is a real need for individuals who are both knowledgeable and personable to bridge that gap between the field of clinical psychology and the practice of daily living. There is so much guidance out there that we could benefit from, but many people are so intimidated by psychology that it sits in books, studies, reports, and never reaches the people it was intended to help. 

We need more skills-teaching as a society. Not everyone needs an hour or so on a couch a week. Out of those who do or want that, even they can’t all afford or find the means to make it happen. Psychology is not a hard subject to teach in common sense terms, yet outside of a select few individuals we generally ignore it. 

I know that SOMEONE is going to bring up pop psych and self-help books. It’s a start, but how many have you read that just keep telling you the same thing without actually helping you or showing you how to achieve it. Lecturing vs. application. We need to do better. 

 

Changes or Simply Put – Do Better

Change – Do Better

Sometimes we’re not aware of the changes happening in our lives. You wake up one morning and something is missing or something new has arrived. The days blend from one to the next and you don’t necessarily remember when it happened, but it’s different now. Those are the changes we’re used to.

Other changes you have to make. You can’t wait for experience or a slap in the face from reality – you just have to decide and make it happen. It’s not an evolution or growth; it’s a decision. You understand that you’re not backed into a corner, but unless you do better you’re not going to move forward OR you’re going to lose something very important.

It’s been said that talking about our struggles is our biggest [unhealthy] addiction. As an only child with a limited social circle, this has always been true for me. True, unfortunately, to a very undesirable and unhealthy degree. I over think things and create problems that don’t exist. Instead of just acting in a way that will benefit me, I stew. I worry, I think, I anticipate, I discuss, and I circle the problem until it’s a million times worse than it was and I’ve isolated several friends who just can’t hear it anymore.

Writing was always my go to relief when friends weren’t an option. I’ve gotten lazy about it lately with new friends and a whole new variety of social interactions opening up. I started talking again. Recognizing this as a problem, I’m taking the initiative to start working my problems out through words instead – at least until I get to the point where I’m confident enough to just react. Okay, maybe the initiative had some prodding, but no one can force me into that.

Greek Mythology is filled with stories about self-fulfilling prophecies. It’s something we’ve long been amused by and have carried throughout time as cautionary tales against not being self-aware. The only problem is you can be too self-aware. So wrapped up in the things you know about yourself – the patterns you recognize, the behaviors and mistakes you repeat, your habits, etc. – that you forget to actually act differently. This is where I’m at.

I want to understand and I want to explain. I want to show people and have them love me regardless. Most times, they do! It’s surprising how loving people really are. What they aren’t is supportive of your own self-destruction. They want to be nice to you. They want to have fun with you. They want to love you. What they don’t want is to have to convince you of that on a regular basis.

Be in the moment –  all the moments. Invest in the people around you. If you’re lonely, sad, insecure, and want to stop feeling alone, then look up from your own worries at the people who are right in front of you. You’re not alone. You’re just feeding the fear. It’s not a battle they can fight for you. Chances are they’ve already tried.

They have told you they care. They have shown you that you’re safe. They have encouraged you in every way they know how. It’s your turn to show them that you noticed – that their effort was worth the investment because you are changing. You are growing up and you’re ready for the next phase of life. It’s going to be awesome.

So often, we run from the very thing we’re afraid of. What if it’s exactly what we need. Everything we have EVER needed. Does that make the struggle a lie? Our identity a lie? I think we have to acknowledge that we are a fluid being, something that changes. We are mayhem: instable-chaotic-imperfect-perfection. Embracing our own brand of crazy is not only what makes life colorful; it’s what gives us the flexibility, perseverance, and spunk to survive.

I write to process, but even though I feel like words are my heart, they’re not my life. My life is in those moments where I forget about thinking and just experience those around me. We connect because we need it to survive. By staying trapped in our own thoughts, we’re literally starving ourselves of affection, acceptance, and love.