Okay, so you know that moment when someone does something for themselves, but it also happens to be EXACTLY what you need. So much so that even though normally it would leave you broken and crying in the fetal position (because you’re over emotional and dramatic), but because it happens to be just what you need – you’re totally fine. Yeah, that’s happening. Except instead of totally fine, I’m totally spazzing out over it because I’m PERFECTLY FINE and for once NOT over-thinking a damn thing. I realize that makes no sense.
I’m at a point in life where I’m very aware of the changes taking place and my own personal growth. Instead of feeling upset or rejected I’m just like, oh right, it’s time. Then I’m frustrated that I’m so okay with it… I don’t even fully know why. I realize that part of it is just that change is new and always a little bit uncomfortable, but also there’s part of me that feels like if I’m totally fine then WOW have I been lying to myself for longer than I can remember.
I started out totally overthinking it and it wasn’t even ten minutes and I was just, like, oh wait, that’s not what happened. Then I was fine, annoyed, but fine. I’m not even really annoyed about it happening just that it’s so freaking simple. I have every confidence that I will be fine and at one point can manage to just be myself without being awkward. For now, back to the plan where I just learn some independence and evolve a bit more. So yeah, I’m here just kind of reeling through the frustration and annoyance. I need to get busy on something… Growing up is not cool, dammit!